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Glenn Quagmire
Story Girl: Wow, that was great! Quagmire: Yeah, it was! See ya. Girl: But you said we'd get married! Quagmire: Nah, I only said that so that you'd ga-googity my gaschmorgen. (a la Woody Woodpecker) Hahaha HA ha! Hahaha HA ha! Glenn Quagmire is the sex-crazed pervert neighbor of the Griffins. Quagmire is a former ensign of the U.S. Navy, where he met Peter (although in Meet the Quagmires, they are both listed as the same age and attend the country club dance.). He currently works as an airline pilot. Years ago, Quagmire had Cheryl Tiegs as a girlfriend who he loved. Unfortunately, he lost her, and has tried to fill the hole she left by having sex with women. Quagmire is 5 feet, 8 inches tall, currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island, and according to a recent episode "FOX-y Lady", he is 61 years old (he makes himself look younger by consuming carrots). He is lefthanded, since his left arm got very musculair after masturbating after he discovered internet porn in the episode "Family Goy" He has pictures of Lois in his house, including on the inside of his closet door. He was once arrested for peeping on Lois in the girls' bathroom. He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy. During a stint on The Bachelorette, Quagmire brought Brooke to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. This hint at an incestous relationship with his mother could answer several questions about Quagmire's sexual obsessions (though raising many more). Quagmire is often seen saying 'all right' while rocking his head back and forwards in an amusing way. He was also briefly married to a maniac named Joan. She died after clutching onto Death's arm. Quagmire is currently a widower, although this is no problem for him, as he can now get it on with more girls, without having to worry about cheating. It is also shown that Quagmire also engages in necrophilia; this is shown in such situations as when Death killed Joan in "I Take Thee Quagmire", he asked if he could leave the body with him for 5 minutes, and he is shown jumping out of a coffin half-naked in a DVD-only scene in "Airport '07." He has a foot fetish. According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women. He also occasionally visits the local prison so he can have sex with the female prisoners. Aside from Stewie, Quagmire seems to be the fans second favorite character. Quagmire also seems to have an affinity with rape because in Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?, when Stewie pretends to be a cheerleader he encounters a gagged cheerleader in the male toilets and appears ready to have sex with her. He has a sister who gets beaten by her boyfriend and a deaf brother. He also has a son in Madrid, Spain ("Peter's Got Woods") despite claiming never to have had sex with a Spanish woman (however, it is possible he does not know the difference since he was with Tricia Takanawa when he made the claim) who greatly resembles Quagmire, but with a snappy mustache and a ponytail; he also seems to have several illegitimate children in Quahog, some of whom go to Martin Mull Elementary school ("Tales of a Third Grade Nothing"). In "Emission Impossible", when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed, but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that..." before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. This suggests that Quagmire is a registered sex offender. In the episode "Baby Not On Board", Quagmire gets an erection from watching the DirecTV help video. When Cleveland asks if there is anything that does not turn Quagmire on, we find out that the answer is "people who say the word 'rubbish' when they mean 'garbage'." Quagmire also has his own theme song, as seen in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do" and "Airport '07", although the theme song is only shown on the DVD version of the latter episode. It usually starts off with an announcer saying "Who else but Quagmire?", and then it goes into an opening sequence featuring his face against a background of changing colors, while studio singers sing the theme song, with Quagmire singing the last line; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :You never really know what he's gonna do next :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity giggity giggity, let's have sex! The sequence then cuts to a setting that is supposed to be entirely serious. So far, a fancy dinner party and a funeral for a young woman who died a virgin have been shown. Quagmire will then perform an outrageous act, much to the surprise of the bystanders. During the dinner party sequence, where he was dressed as a waiter, he stripped down to his underwear and danced upon the table. During the funeral, he popped out of the coffin in his underwear and danced offscreen, implying that he had sex with the corpse. The presumed "closing credits" sequence is almost identical to the opening sequence, except the theme song is performed thusly; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity goo! Quagmire has been shown to be extremely affectionate with animals, specifically a cat he named James in "420." Quagmire came across as obsessive about his new pet, making his friends sign a birthday card for his cat. Tragically, when Quagmire went to Vermont to buy a present for James, Peter, Cleveland, and Joe, go over to Quagmire's to shave James as a prank, which backfired when Peter accidentally stabs James. Peter reveals this when Quagmire offers an award for knowing where James is simply to take the award. Although Glenn gets along very well with most people, its revealed in "Jerome Is the New Black" that he greatly dislikes Brian Griffin due to Brian's at times, hyper-liberal agenda yet never doing anything to help, the fact he claims to want a true deep and spirital love, but ends up going for hot idiots, the fact he has been neglecting his son Dylan, the fact that he criticizes others' beliefs while being an atheist, the fact that that he believes himself a great writer despite being terrible, the fact that he acts pretentious despite failing college twice. Ironically, one of the biggest issues that Glenn has with Brian, is Brian's romantic feelings towards Lois, which Glenn himself has towards Peter's wife. Relatives *[[Mrs. Quagmire|''Mrs. Quagmire]]' (mother) ''' *[[Mittens|''Mittens]]' (Mother's cat) ''' *[[Joan Quagmire|''Joan Quagmire]]' (suicidal wife, deceased) killed by Death ''' *[[Quagmire's kids|''A White Third Grader]]' (illegitmate son) ''' *[[Quagmire's kids|''A Retarded Third Grader]]' (illegitimate son) ''' *[[Quagmire's kids|''Hispanic Third Grader]]' (illegitimate son) ''' *[[Lois Griffin|''Lois Quagmire]]' {nee Pewterschmidt} (alternate reality wife) ''' *[[Chris Griffin|''Chris Quagmire]]' (alternate reality son) ''' *[[Meg Griffin|''Meg Quagmire]]' (alternate reality daughter) ''' *[[Stewie Griffin|''Stewie Quagmire]]' (alternate reality son) ''' *[[Quagmire's son|''A Spanish man]]' (illegitimate son) ''' *[[James (Quagmire's Cat)|''James]]' (Cat, deceased)' *[[Annaleigh Quagmire|'Annaleigh Quagmire']] '(daughter)' *'Harriet Quagmire' '(Sister)' *'Deaf Brother''' (brother) Romantic Connections *Tricia Takanawa (ex-lover) *Asian Women (ex-lovers) *Some Guy (ex-lover(accidentally was in oral with other asian women)) *girrafe (ex-lover) *Loretta Brown (ex-lover) *Spanish Woman (ex-lover(proven because it is shown that she has a spanish version of Quagmire, his son)) *Lois Griffin (romantic intrest) *Japanese Woman (ex-lover) *Jessica Biel (former romantic intrest, possibly ex-lover) *Meg Griffin (possible romantic intrest) *Rhonda Latimer (former romantic intrest) *Other Women (all ex-lovers or former romantic intrests) Other Connections *Brian Griffin (worst enemy) *Peter Griffin (best Friend) *Joe Swanson (best friends) *Cleveland Brown (former best friend) *Jerome (new friend) *Meg Griffin (friend) *Cleveland Brown, Jr. (possibly former friend) Quagmire, Glenn